Q: What's the difference between a slut and a bitch?
A: A slut goes to bed with everyone and a bitch goes to bed with everyone but you.
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After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car, his father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home and I wanted to stay with you guys."
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A hospital posted a notice in the nurses' mess saying:
"Remember, the first five minutes of a human
being's life are the most dangerous."
Underneath, a nurse had written:
"The last five are pretty risky, too."
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When my son was in third grade, his teacher
asked him to spell "straight." He did so
correctly.
"Now," said the teacher, "what does it mean?"
"Without water," he replied.
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Super Spicy One-Liners!
How do you know when you're REALLY ugly?
--Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.
How do you know you're leading a sad life?
--When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be friends."
What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus and a yeast infection?
--An itchy, twitchy twat.
;D
Do you know why ghosts don't make noise when they make love?
--Because they have hollow weenies!
What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster?
--A cock that stays up all night.
Mom's have Mother's Day, Father's have Father's Day.
What do single guys have?
--Palm Sunday
^^^true.
What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts?
--Her navel.
What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
--A bingo machine.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
--"Are you sure it's mine?"
What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
--Beer nuts are a $1.25 but deer nuts are always under a buck.
What three two-letter words denote "small"?
--"Is it in?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
--Mace will do that to you.
If you are having sex with two women and one more woman walks in, what do you have?
--Divorce proceedings, most likely.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
--Everyone has the same DNA.
