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Post by Deleted on Jun 12, 2004 1:50:25 GMT
[shadow=red,left,300]I liked all of them too lmao[/shadow]
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Post by Paul on Dec 3, 2007 11:38:34 GMT
Bernie says to his wife Sarah, "Let's go out tonight, darling and have some fun."
Sarah replies, "OK, but if you get home before I do, please leave the light in the hall on."
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Jack ran into a friend he knew had just recently married. "How's married life?"
"Great, except I screwed up big time this morning. Without thinking I left $50 on my wife's pillow!"
"Aw, hell, don't worry about it. She knows you've been single for ages. She'll understand."
"That's not what bothers me. After I showered and came back to the bedroom, there was $15 change on my pillow!"
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Q. Have you heard about the oversexed woman who would take her vibrator into the tanning booth?
A. She loved to shake and bake
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A bloke was complaining to his mate a few days after scoring a new woman.
"Mate," he said, "This new lady of mine is really weird. All she wants me to do is **** her in the ear."
"That is weird," his mate replied.
"Yeah," the bloke continued. "Every time I go to stick my dick in her mouth, she turns her head!"
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The farm had been mortgaged, and gladly, to give daughter a college education. Now, driving home from the station after meeting her at the train, farmer Johnson was greatly disturbed when his daughter whispered, "I have a confession to make, Paw - I ain't a virgin no more." The old man shook his head sadly. "After all the sacrifices your Maw and I made to give you a good education, you still say ain't!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ One friend of Sam met him and he was very angry. The friend asked him what happened and the blonde guy, Sam, said, "My wife just delivered twins..."
Surprised, his friend said, "So!?! You should be happy! Why are you so angry???"
Guess what Sam replied, banging his hands together... "I want to know which S.O.B. is the father of the second child!!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dear Diary,
This morning. the math teacher singled me out to ask me, "If you have $200, and you give $60 to Mary, $60 to Sally and $60 to Susan, what would you have?"
Turned out that "an orgy" was not the correct answer. Live and learn.
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A couple was strolling hand in hand across the nudist camp. The young man suddenly lower his head and confessed, "Don't look now Cathy, but I think I'm falling in love with you."
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Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite sex positions:
One says, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best."
"I don't think I have ever heard of that one", says the other cowboy, "what is it?"
"Well, it's where you get your girlfriend down on all fours, and you mount her from behind, and you reach around and cup each one of her breasts in your hands, and then you whisper in her ear, "Boy, these feel just like your sister's" and then you try to hold on for 8 seconds."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A lady tells her Man: 'I demand good manners in bed, just like at the dinner table'. The man climbs into bed slowly and says: 'Honey, would you please pass me the pussy?'
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Post by proton on Dec 3, 2007 17:57:20 GMT
You get worse (Thankfuly) #hihi#
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Former Member
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Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2007 2:10:38 GMT
Ha ha ha, those are funny.
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Post by cutie4 on Dec 5, 2007 0:01:19 GMT
heh
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Post by Raethe on Dec 20, 2007 0:37:14 GMT
A hospital posted a notice in the nurses' mess saying:
"Remember, the first five minutes of a human being's life are the most dangerous."
Underneath, a nurse had written:
"The last five are pretty risky, too."
;D
Made me chuckle.
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Post by Paul on Feb 8, 2008 0:50:54 GMT
What did Bill Gates' wife say to him on their wedding night? "Now I know why you named your company Microsoft!"
Did you hear about the Indian Chief who named his daughter "Ninety- nine cents" because she was always under a buck? (
What's the difference between sin and shame? It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.
A Palestinian suspect was being grilled by Israeli police. Honest, I'm not a suicide bomber," he said. "I didn't say I wanted to blow myself up so I could sleep with 72 virgins. All I said was I'm dying to get laid!"
What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say? Beat IT - we're closed.
What's the difference between wives and secretaries? Secretaries get a little behind at work, wives get a big behind at home.
A boy and a girl met at a nudist colony. The boy says, "Don't look now, but I think I'm falling in love with you."
What do you call a virgin on a water bed? A cherry float.
What do you call a blonde who can't find the string to her tampon? A cotton picker.
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Post by Prosha on Feb 9, 2008 5:04:37 GMT
What did Bill Gates' wife say to him on their wedding night? "Now I know why you named your company Microsoft!" ^^^ LMAO
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Post by jonesy3006 on Feb 14, 2008 3:46:18 GMT
all good, they all made me laugh
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Just Jenny
FJ Senior
Just Jenny nothing else
@jenniferclarke87
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Post by Just Jenny on Dec 27, 2003 20:14:09 GMT
What is 40 feet long and smells like urine?
Line dancing at the nursing home
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